I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
