Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize