So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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