bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Couch. On fire.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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