you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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