Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize