She is in my trunk
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
