Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
