Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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