I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
