Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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