Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
