I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
