If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
