hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How does it feel to date your dad?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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