just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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