I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
