Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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