omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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