I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
