I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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