Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
