also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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