I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
