My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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