So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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