I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
