My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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