just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
