How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
