He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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