I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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