i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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