i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Even my vagina gasped.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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