Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
