Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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