i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
