Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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