nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
