At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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