We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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