If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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