I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
