It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
In other news, I just burned my penis
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
