I must be too annoying 4 u.
so let's talk penis.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize