Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
