k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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