Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
