i'm signing you up for texting rehab
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
