Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sex in the backyard? Check.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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