Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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