I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
