Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
