the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
