Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
