How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
