What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize