You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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