this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
