quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
