pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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