She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
