Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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