you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
