I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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