if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
where are my eyebrows?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
