WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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