i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
this hospital has no fireball
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
