Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize