I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
