They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
